Accountability

For years I have said I was going to write a book based on my crappy childhood, mostly joking of course. But I never really followed through because I didn’t know why I would write the book or even how. And both of those things are important to keep someone committed to a goal. Over the weekend, I had the realization that I don’t feel like I have a purpose in life and that has contributed to being in this funk. I have always felt good when helping people, but I have never known how to get directly in front of someone to help them. Or who I could help.

            Working in a tire shop for 11 years has really been the largest degree of me “helping” people. And while that was mostly fulfilling, it was not my passion. It didn’t set my soul on fire. A few years ago, I had the privilege of speaking at a high school career day, representing the tire shop I worked for. As a young mom working in a “male dominated” career field, I hoped to spark encouragement for those who might have needed some. I had two young girls come to me afterwards and express how I did, in fact, inspired them and that’s a high I want to chase.

            I grew up with my biological mother who was an addict. Not a closet addict, but a full blown addict. Someone who could never shake her demons. The repercussions in her life were her terribly broken relationships. I can speak to how I grew up, what memories I have and the emotional damage that followed me into my adulthood. So, I am writing a book. I am writing a book on how drugs have lasting effects on family members. And mostly with my dark, twisted humor because it has been my coping mechanism while growing up. And maybe, just maybe someone struggling will read it and it could change their life. Because if I had to go through the trauma growing up, there has to be a reason why. And I believe this is it. I get excited thinking that if it helps just one person, it will be worth it. My limiting belief that no one would like what I had to write or my story was not worthy of sharing. So if you have read this far, this is my accountability post and conquering my fear of anyone actually reading what I write.